From bagpipes to recorder

“Piping is a niche instrument,” President Rivera said, before adding: “Many students have already had recorder lessons from third grade and can come ready to join the new band.”

St. Paul, Minn. — Macalester College is pleased to announce that it will no longer feature bagpipes at Commencement, Convocation, or any other official college event, effective immediately. 

“For decades at Macalester, we’ve rung in the new academic year and sent off our graduating classes to the sound of a dozen or more bagpipers playing ‘Scotland the Brave,’” said President Rivera.

Rivera announced the new policy at a special meeting.

“Piping is a niche instrument,” Rivera said, before adding: “Many students have already had recorder lessons from third grade and can come ready to join the new band.”

Additional reasons cited for the change were complaints from the Groveland Neighborhood Association and that earplugs go against our zero waste policy. Rivera expressed confidence that the policy change would mitigate both issues.

“I do think there’s a lot of potential with a recorder. The sound is whimsical, lilting almost,” said Mike Breidenbach, formerly Macalester’s director of piping. 

As of today, Macalester’s official campus woodwind will be the recorder. In conjunction with the announcement, Breidenbach has been promoted to Director of Recorder at Macalester College. In that capacity, he will still give free music lessons to all Macalester students (albeit on the recorder), and will lead the creation and rehearsal of the college’s first-ever marching recorder band.

“I might have preferred the oboe, if I’d had a say,” said Breidenbach. “But I’d like to thank President Rivera for this new opportunity, and I look forward to hearing ‘Hot Cross Buns’ echo across campus for years to come.”

Macalester’s current store of bagpipes and piping-related materials are being donated to an after-school program in Scotland. Try-outs for the marching recorder band will be held tomorrow night. No experience necessary.

Oh, and happy April Fool’s Day.