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Taking Leave Amidst Quarantine

Sophie Hilker ’20

With the suspension of classes and closure of campus as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic, I experienced a lot of “last times” on campus that I didn’t realize would be the last: going to classes in the classrooms, seeing friends, classmates, and coworkers in person, and, of course, visiting the English department. In this time of uncertain goodbyes, I’m glad to have this intentional opportunity to reflect and say goodbye to my time in the English department. Though this is not the way I wanted to finish my senior year, I am extremely grateful for the time I did get to spend with the people, places, and communities that make up Macalester.

author and her father in front of old main
The author and her father visiting Old Main her senior year of high school

Coming into Macalester as a wee first year in 2016, I never thought I would declare an English major, but right from the start I was pulled in. Half of the students in my Scottish Orientation house (go house Gordon!) were in Professor Marlon James’ First Year Course (FYC). I kept in touch with a handful of them, and, curious about the workshop experience they described, I enrolled in my first English class, Prose Poetry with Professor Wang Ping, my second semester. Having never taken a creative writing class or written a poem that didn’t have a second-grade rhyme scheme, taking the class was daunting. Over the course of the semester, however, I came to love the unexpected nature of poetry, grappling with unanswerable questions of genre and meaning, and playing with rhythm, sound, and literary devices. I abandoned my plans to major in something more “practical” like Political Science or Spanish and fell in deep, stupid love with creative writing. The following fall, I worked as Preceptor for Professor Ping’s FYC, Poetry for Misfits, Free Thinkers, and Paradigm Shakers, and declared my English major soon after.

My junior year, my love for English grew as I studied abroad in Dunedin, New Zealand, an UNESCO City of Literature, during the 60th anniversary of the Robert Burns Fellowship at the University of Otago. The occasion drew dozens of renowned Kiwi authors, who once worked as writers in residence at the university, to revisit the city to attend events, host readings, and lead workshops with students. As wonderful of an experience as this was, I missed the Macalester English department immensely (and even celebrated bagel Monday’s remotely). 

collage of bagels author consumed while studying abroad
(Cream cheese and apricot jam bagel, swiss and Marmite bagel, breakfast bagel, grilled halloumi bagel, and Hussey & Laredo, the food truck that purveyed them on the University of Otago’s campus)

When I returned in the spring semester, the department welcomed me with open arms as a new student worker and Editor of The Words. Having attended departmental Pop Talks, book launches, and Treat Nights as a major, I’d gotten a sense of what the English community was like, but I could not fathom how loving, supportive, and joyful it was until I started working here myself. The English department student worker lounge became a sacred sanctuary where I could laugh, cry, rant, and relax in the comfort and care of my fellow workers, who offered an endless supply of hugs, memes, validation, and advice in return.

collage of the author with english department student workers
sign in the english department reading "let's get quarantined together" and "community"

When campus shut down, I worried the English community and bonds I’d created within it would crumble. I can happily report that this is not the case. Student workers have attended a number of Zoom meetings, a virtual English department lounge has been set up (and even visited by some stellar alums!), and members of the English community have taken up letter writing to keep us connected. This is, perhaps, the greatest reminder that the Macalester English department is not so much a place as it is an attitude constituted by compassion, connection, and celebration.

When I graduate, I’ll be taking with me friendships that will last a lifetime, a newfound love, understanding, and appreciation for poetry, the BEST book recommendations I’ll EVER receive, and even a few creative works to boot. Although I didn’t come to Mac intending to be an English major, I sure am glad to be leaving one. 

Thanks to everyone who made my Macalester English experience so memorable. Particularly:

Professor Ping for believing in me and always encouraging me to follow even my wildest dreams; Jan Beebe, first and foremost for hiring me, and for continually supporting and advocating for me; Jackson Ullmann for embarking with me on this wild English journey; Julia Joy for literally everything; Professor Matthew Burgess for putting up with me for 3 years, ESPECIALLY during my Capstone; Jen Katz and Alex Harrington for showing me the ropes and introducing me to the joys of The Words; Laura Berglund for her editing expertise and for sticking with me during those long publication nights and the early mornings after; Harrison Runnels, Malcolm Cooke, Ash Ma, Amy Vandervelde, and Dalton Green for being the best friends and editors anyone could ever ask for; all English department student workers for your hard work and lovely conversations; every single member of Poetry for Misfits for sharing and trusting me with your beautiful poems; everyone who ever filled the English lounge and made it feel like home; and all you Words readers 🙂