Faculty Breaking News!

By The Words Editors

launches cardigan line

only agrees to return from her sabbatical if department can promise that no one will email her endless questions

Student investigators find that JAMES DAWES is an omniscient god capable of living for eons

gets Vogue cover for best pantsuit

starts speaking Early Modern English, only responds to questions beginning with “doth”

series to get musical adaptation

starts seventeenth book project

Social Media Managers create MICHAEL PRIOR Instagram fanpage

PETER BOGNANNI to sign adoption papers for all majors, become department dad

SALLY FRANSON lands role in Law and Order

DAYLANNE ENGLISH too pure to satirize (we tried)

JAN BEEBE becomes coordinator of all Old Main departments, sets sights on Carnegie next

STUDENT WORKERS unionize, demand bagels every day